Debunking the “Twin Flame” Theory
A little friendly disclaimer here (insert smiley face!): if you resonate or identify strongly with the theory of twin flames, this entry might not be for you. My intention behind this writing is to provide my perspective as a psychotherapist (around this widely used term) who is both spiritually oriented and grounded in psychology. My Perspective In my work as a psychotherapist, I believe the way in which the word/concept of “twin flames” is used in today’s culture is generally frothy and unhealthy. Although there may be some ways one can use the concept to better understand a relationship, at the end of the day, it holds very little substance. If we look at the concept of twin flames as we would a myth, fairy tale, or other sacred text we can find teaching and a lesson from it, but if we take it literally, one can linger in the mere disillusionment of it. Twin Flame is a Myth: Origins The word “twin flame” derived originally from the philosopher: Plato, in his mythic dialogue named “The Symposium “where he describes mythic humans that had two faces, extra limbs: the gods splitting them in half which created humans, the way we see them today. Therefore, we know the actual term comes from a myth-like story; meaning that it is not literal. As adults, myths should be read with the intention that there is internal teaching or lesson that brings forth meaning often using metaphor, imagination, and archetypes which help to bridge the personal with the universal. For children, myths like fairy tales are a natural language and of much emotional and social value, aiding children in their development and integrating both hemispheres of their brain’s: specifically in developing a sense of a moral compass, empathy, and creativity (right brain) with language, facts, and logic (left brain). Metaphor and fantasy when combined in an intentional and skillful way, and with thoughtful imagery (by an artist who understands child development) are of value for children’s growth and can help them in understanding more expansive concepts like compassion, humility, and more. Children naturally start to connect morality and meaning within a story, and this is the same approach I think is needed when determining personal and universal meaning from the story of the “twin flame”. It is worthwhile to propose questions about concepts such as twin flames; basic questions that aid in evaluating the idea with our personal felt sense, beliefs, and knowledge base, but also compared to our understanding of relative significant findings within large bodies of literature and/or research such as psychology, mythology, science, philosophy, religious and spiritual teachings, and practices, and much more. Astrology & Twin Flames The field of astrology is very vast, a very large body of information, some of which dates to very ancient civilizations. If twin flames mean that one’s soul becomes split and become identical to another’s soul’s blueprint and is now a mirror or identical to the other person’s soul: indicating that now two people have the same or part of the same soul as each other… this concept does not fit within the basis of the science of astrology. We know deeply in astrology that we have our own blueprint and our own soul. It would be that we were born under the same stars and planet placements as someone else, and that is impossible. In my studies of couple’s natal charts, I can see how certain aspects can complement the other, but through my lens and experience with working with clients therapeutically as a couples therapist, one can often find complementary aspects in just about any chosen relationship depending on what kind of story we want to write together. Astrology can be used to strengthen any relationship by developing more understanding and compassion for each other by seeing their partner’s personal challenges and areas of growth, how to better support each other or hold space for one another; a tool for working through specific themes in the relationship that present as challenges and differences and finding the gift there. When used in a therapeutic way: astrology cannot be used in “fraudulent ways” to confirm identity or fused personality of a relationship (by defining it as twin flames through oppositions or complementary aspects in someone’s natal chart when comparing it to another): identity is developed and created over time as the relationship grows, first starting from a solid sense of our own personality and identity. Identifying your relationship as a twin flame can often stick your relationship in what can feel like a tiny echo chamber. Yikes. Spirituality Meets Psychology: Twin Flames A twin flame is also thought of as someone whom we feel a very strong mutual attraction to, someone who brings out the parts in us where healing or self-development is reflected within our connection to them. The common twin flames belief is that you are presented with this person to help heal these wounds with each other and through each other. A twin flame is commonly spoken of as someone whom one quickly feels fast chemistry but may more realistically struggle with a sense of self, healthy boundaries, automatic trust, personal independence, personal power, internalizing core values, and understanding concepts of compatibility which often comes with life experience and/or being modeled and taught this as a child who grew up witnessing and having healthy relationships and social guidance when needed. Oftentimes people report twin flame relationships to be addicting and codependent, tiptoeing around an unspoken knowingness; using twin flames as a bypass for healing work that they later realize they cannot do through another wounded person. This happens often among many kinds of relationships and this fiery magnetic pull rooted in unhealed wounds is often misinterpreted as a spiritual awakening. Chemistry is a pleasant social interaction, exchange of energy, or experience – it is enjoyable and fun, however, the real depth of magic in relationships lies in what matters the most as you truly get to know someone: how you treat each other. One can…
Read more
